5 Lessons my father taught me

As 2011 draws to a close, one of the best things we can do is reflect, simply ponder another year that has raced by.

In fact, as I sit and write this in the crisp early morning of a wintery LA, I begin to think about my pops. Although I am a father of 3 wonderful children, and three amazing grandchildren, I do know that I owe so much of my life's journey to the foundational impact that my dad had on my life.

Pat Wienand's life was not easy. When, as a 12 year old, his father died in his arms, it was a prophetic announcement that this was not going to be an easy journey. One of 8 kids, he was sent from Johannesburg to the coast where his mid teens were spent working as a postman by day and going to night school to finish his education. I guess 'Oups' never had his teenage years. They were taken from him as he was taught to survive.

Through the tough years of apprenticeship to the harsh lessons of starting several construction companies, he was schooled out there on his own, where a friend sometimes turned foe and where trust was sometimes ill-founded.

This rough, tough construction pioneer, taught me some of life's most invaluable lessons. Of course he was a strong uncompromising dad, but set a standard that he lived by that he imprinted in our lives. Here are some of these lessons:

1. "Never give up" - "Oups' was not a man of many words. When they came they were weighty and to be headed. When I was benched from the starter role in the High School Rugby team [unfairly I thought, especially as the captain in the first game], I was devastated. In the emotional anger of a 17 year old, I was ready to be done with this mismanagement. Not with Oups. He gave me the 'never give up' speech. You get back on the bicycle and ride again. No matter what life throws at you, you simply do not give up. You fight your way back, no matter the pain or trauma. It came back to stand me in good stead all those years later...

2. "The world does not owe you a living. You have to get out there and take it" - 'Oups' really wrestled with God about the death of his dad. So there was never any sense of 'entitlement'. The world owed you nothing! There was no sense of being owed anything. It was all by the sweat of your brow that you took on the challenge of life. You have one life, make it work. What you get is what you labor for. Work hard, work long and work sacrificially.

3. "Your sisters are going to get married and have kids but you need to get yourself ready to provide for a family." - To many today that does not sound very PC. Our parents were from a different era. They emerged out of the post-war tough times. This comment was not intended to demean women but to empower men. I remember these talks well. I was an educational minimalist. I was comfortable with the grades that kept my parents happy. Every now and again, the grades fell and I got the 'you must take responsibility for your family' speech. Today I am the one who gives it. In an age of egalitarianism, many men have stepped away from responsibility and let the women carry them, as they bask in their selfish ways. I never was allowed to consider that. For that I am truly grateful.

4. "Live by your convictions, no matter what the cost" - 'Oups' was and is, a man of convictions. He was not swayed by the opinions of the crowd but held firmly to his convictions even if they were not popular. That was drilled into me. I am so grateful that popularity was never the highest value to which we aspired. Truth was [well at least our perception of truth]. For some 27 years I have led 2 churches. I cannot tell you how often I had to strengthen myself with these words. Popular opinion falters at the altar of the moment. Convictions are a life time traveling companions. Find them, hold them, lead with them.

5. "Live generously, especially be aware of the plight of the poor" - maybe its because he came from such poverty, but 'Oups' was always very sensitive of the plight of the poor. Sometimes mercy overwhelmed wisdom, but he always cared for those who had less. When I was young, we were very middle class, yet there was a spirit of giving that filled the family. There was not much money to give, but there was always a meal to offer, a ride to give, a bed to sleep on, an act of kindness to offer. I hope I am a generous man. To give is better than to receive. The bible teaches me that - and 'Oups' showed me how it works.

There are many more that these 5 things that come to mind immediately. I salute a gift from God - my dad whose foundation has fashioned me, formed me and forged my life ahead of me.

Thanksgiving

This is a most remarkable time of the year. As the winter chill begins to knock on our door, and the sounds of Christmas are matched with the smells of Thanksgiving, I am so glad to be living in America.

Thanks giving is my favorite American Holiday. M and I love being around a table, well presented, with oodles of food - each masterly 'chef-ed' to family perfection. Of course, the music has to be elegantly celebratory. The lights need to soften the corners of the room with regal ambiance. The cutlery and crockery has to presented with motherly affection and the wines chosen with fatherly revelation [OK that was a little dramatic!]

Tomorrow my family will sit around the table and we will thank the Lord - what a story! What a privilege! What a life! We will savor the moment. The palates will be satisfied. The eyes a little tender with gratitude but the hands will be steady as we toast...

An amazing God whose kindness has enveloped us;

A wondrous gospel that never ceases to surprise us;

Family who have journeyed on several continents together;

Friends who have stood with us in some of the darkest moments of our lives;

Strangers who have stepped into a space of our lives thru divine generosity;

Community that remains God's loudest redemption trumpet call;

A limping world that still breaks our heart, but we will continue to give ourselves away to love you.

Have a reflective thanksgiving, never losing its sheer beauty.

Muchos gracias

November Update

What a wild couple of weeks.

I loved the time in the UK. Traveling with Brian Barr and Phil Woods was sheer, raw fun. From the endless banter, tireless sense of adventure, and hilarious and passionate theological debate was deeply refreshing.

Having a closer peep into the Soul Survivor story with Mike Pilavachi was a great honor as they have been a rare nursery that has discipled so many remarkable worship leaders. This friendship has been brewing for a while.

Our invasion of the Dooley home in Reading UK, was due to Sean and Nola's kindness. The three "Mouseketeers" hopefully brought love, energy, and humor into their lives - nothing like traveling across London for several hours, late on a Sunday night, to go and connect with Mark and Lizzie who are planting "Reality London". Fell in love with them. The plant is struggling to gain traction as they seek to cross the great hurdles of US to UK culture / from LA to London context. Our dinner in the pub after the evening gathering, is one of those Holy Spirit moments that will remain in my mind for a long time.

The couple of days that we went away with a collage of pastors was a rare treat. With my desire being to bring some of the young UK pastors into the room with some of the young USA pastors, I had prayerfully hoped that their would be journey's shared, lessons learnt exchanged, and friendships established. I think this happened. Of course being away with a group of young guns, there will invariably be combat and competition — a created game being the center piece of international rivalry. Who would have thought that Readers Digest can provide such an international incident! Thanks to the Virgo boys and their mates... you guys are remarkable.

The last weekend was with our dear friends at Kingsgate Church in Kingston. M and I feel so privileged to have been in this story from before the beginning — as the seed of the plant was sown, to 2 handovers, through to their name change and new city. They are doing so well and I am so proud of them. A visit there is always a huge treat for us.

Yesterday I spent time with an event called "Exponential LA". The idea was to take the annual large church planting event and earth it in smaller gatherings around the USA. I felt very honored to walk these delightful planters through Heb 12:1 - 2 [although we rarely exegeted the text — we got into many and diverse convos... which I hope was helpful]

Getting ready for the last trip of the year. M and I are off to New York. The leadership transition from Deryck and Cath to John and Jenna Starke is going to be a very weighty and grace-filled moment. I have watched a group of Jesus following, gospel loving, church engaging folks take on the great NYC challenge. Their journey is to be mightily applauded. Sunday will be very special for all of us involved.

Next week I will start blogging again as the year draws to a close. Thank you.

Update

Off to London in an hour. [Friday 4 Nov]

Will not be blogging much while I am on the road... will keep you posted via twitter

Back Monday 14th November.

Big conversations with the London Reality guys, Mike Pilavachi [Soul Survivor], Steve Timmis, Keath and the crew at Kingsgate as well as a few days bringing together young US pastors and young British pastors...

Keep you posted

Attractional not enough

I am so interested in what the church looks like in a "Post Modern, Post-Christian" culture.

Have we been sluggish in our impact in Europe because we are still trying to do church in an attractional way [designed by "moderns, boomers"]?

But those days are long gone on Europe and many parts of the USA. The assumption that people will come to our cool hip shows, has proven to be without result. Hillsong has got it right because they plant in expat communities with massive brand recognition.

For the many plants wrestling with the raw challenge of the gospel in Europe and the city shadowlands of the USA, the way they have been taught is simply not contextually clear nor culturally sensitive.

I suspect the answer lies with "Missional Communities"... not just missional. Nor just communities. But both together and that is very different form the way we have done it before.

Not one model

I had a very invigorating weekend off.

A dear friend turned 50 and we celebrated for the whole weekend. Reaping the fruit of some 35 years of friendship was lavish. Isn't that a great word? 'Lavish'. It should be a God-word! Of course the sacred text reads: "How great the love the Father has lavished on us..." 1 John 3:1.

Sitting with so many extraordinary folks from so many life's stories was inspiring, intriguing, empowering. However, I was aware that the picture of the church, in many of their minds, has once again been our greatest foe. Leaving to come home last night, I was very engaged by the challenge of showing a God-story that is true perfume to a world where beauty and fragrance is desired but rarely received.

The gospel redemption story is worthy. Dressing it with the church has not always been appealing.

Can one model of the ecclesia fulfill this glorious mandate? The answer is obviously 'No"! History tends to tell us that every move has their 'revelation', which then becomes the one true and 'biblically accurate' way of doing church. This gets taught with much passionate and prophetic fervor. However before long, the slow stench of yesterday's manna begins to creep into the community. Those who smell it are viewed as disloyal and traitors. Well the rest is history simply repeating itself.

Can we pause with personal reflection? Can we engage in this convo with healed hearts, passionate Jesus-love burning in our hearts and a passionate love affair with the church evidenced in our souls? With that settled, then through the church and sacrificial love for the nations that this cross-driven Christ has shown us, can we enter this realm of thoughts ready for a new perspective and a new adventure?. This is a holy moment - to reflect on church-future is very holy indeed. It cannot be touched or tainted by dirty hands of selfish lusts or breathed over by the foul breath of criticism and destruction.

Can we then explore the wonder and width of architecting churches that can enter these very different and colorfully exquisite cultural worlds?

1. Pagan, premodern world;

2. Modern, boomer world;

3. Post modern, exchristian world;

4. Post modern, post Christian world...

The ecclesia that reflects reaching the 'lostness' of these communities should be remarkably different in form but not in DNA. We will look at this next time, but I would love you to join us in this conversation....

Friends

These have been a remarkable few days.

It was March 1977 that began it all. I had recently began my own faith journey. The December before, I had asked a simple question - "Jesus, if you are real, come into my life". I knew if there was no Jesus, it would simply be a question resolved in its naked silence. If he was real, my long haired life would soon change. How, I was not sure but my selfish, self-preoccupied story would end.

So within 4 months, I was asked to speak at this church camp in South Africa. The first night, I told them my story. That was all I had. I had no theology, exegesis, wise or persuasive words. I simply had a story, and I told it.

Many teenagers stepped forward as an old fashioned 'altar call' drew them to an introduction of their own Jesus story. In the little crowd were 2 girls whose eyes glistened with the tenderness of a perfect love encounter. Jesus found them and they found each other. An almost 35 year friendship began.

That is what this weekend was all about. Remarkably our friendship with Bruce and Helena has now spanned all these years. I did their wedding in a very intimate setting some 28 years ago. Both couples ended up in Southern California. And our friendship simply kept ticking on.

This weekend was as much about celebrating a birthday as it has been about applauding friendships. From establishing a new friendship when M and I had lunch with Britt on Friday, through the Friday night fun of margaritas and tacos, and a most outstanding sit down dinner last night with many honoring stories, as even Lorna skyped in from Australia. A truly remarkable testimony of a woman who gets friendship.

See Jesus connects us with friends that we are to do life with. There are times we 'live in each other's pockets' and there are times when we are separated by time, space and journeys. But these are gifts that we are to treasure and continue to invest in. To end our days, naked and relationally empty-handed is to dishonor the great friendship maker. Over dinner I sat with a journalist from a large newspaper and the director of a film school. Amazing how one friendship would now connect us with two more and then more and then more. They won't all be as close nor carry such history, but they will all be valuable.

As I blog, I enjoy my coffee, my scriptures and my reflections. In a while we will join the crew for taco breakfast before heading home to LA. This time the worship on my lips, has a lighter note. "He is good and his love endures"... the hymn writer wrote. Because Jesus met me that day in 1996, he not only put me on a redemption journey, but gave me friends and for that I am eternally grateful.