Wednesday, July 8, 2009

PASTORS WIFE - what is she like?

I fell in love when I met her... it was March 1977. Meryl was 15 and I was 18. That is how our journey started. Unfortunately it did take awhile for her to get "the revelation" but it did - that was almost 29 years ago.

Of those remarkable marriage years, 26 of them have been spent "loving, leading and feeding" His wonderful bride [to quote my friend Dudley Daniel]. We were full of the life of youthful exhuberance. Our world had no care but the next college paper, the next fun event and the weighty task of dreaming together. There was no "Choosing your pastor wife manual" . So what does she look like?


  1. Surely the answer lies in the picture of the true Bride & Bridegroom - the Church & Christ?
    What role does Christ expect of His Bride?

    On a personal level, I take the following view on roles(obviously a daughter of God first and foremost; equally accepted that she is a person with all that that implies):-
    1. She is my wife
    2. my children's mother and
    3. a member of her local church where she exercises her gifts and anointings like everyone else.

    I feel there is often too much pressure, which they place on themselves (some of it comes from watching apo-wives!), to satisfy some position called "elder's wife". There isn't any such thing in scripture. Equally destructive is the pressure that the congregation puts on them to perform the "duties".

    Chris, good topic though - hope that it generates some profound discussion; and maybe some answers?!

  2. Hi Chris, for what it's worth.. here is my twopence worth...

    Pastor's wife- What is she like?:

    1)Loves people

    2)Devoted to Jesus and is a worshiper

    3)Devoted to her husband

    4)Devoted to the 'call' on her husband

    5)Content that this 'call' means participation for her too in all aspects like - the cost and sacrifice that go with it.

    6)Teachable heart to learn and grow

    7)Good follower

    8)Able to lead, even if its only by her
    lifesyle... since she is the 'first sheep'(and like it or not) the other sheepies watch her.

    Would love to hear what you share on this.. are your preaches posted on Southland's website for all to hear? Heaps of love, Pat Kilmartin..hugs

  3. Lets return to Genisis- the law of first mention where God creates male and female in His image and likenes and confers on them both dominion and rulership. I think there are paradigms to be tweeked in our discourse about roles.Do I claim to have the answers- no but I know that much of what I have heard hasn't always satisfied the inarticulate cries of my heart nor have I always felt able to get past paradigms to walk fully in the things that God has at times stirred in my heart.Men Are often likened to the head and woman to the heaart and this I know, there are only 2 ways to tell if a body is dead I am told.Firstly someone can be brain dead while the heart is still strong and beating away.
    Secondly the brain can be healthy and functional but the heart has stopped beating.
    To me we can define the function of both but the outworking won't change .Ill health in either leads to death. Together we have one mandate to extend the Kingdom and glorify the king. I feel that often natural and God given gifts and capacities are stifled by our endless quest for definition. As a pastors wife , as a woman,as a daughter of the king i am called to this task fearlessly using every gift He has given me to be the best heart I can be and to support the body as I have been created to do. This will automatically uphold the health and function of the head and the same is true the other way around.I am intrigued by the functionality of the Trinity and believe there is still much to be revealed to us with regard to how we work as a male female God -corporate consensus image and likeness. So my best encouragement to every pastor's wife is be the best you you can be. Draw close and walk in the cool of the evening with Dad and you will beat powerfully as a heart in your circumstances contributing to the health and vitality of the body.
    God Bless

  4. Me personally, I think the list should be something like this:

    1) Found righteous in Jesus

    Surely the most glorious ministry to have privilege and responsibility to minister, is the ministry of reconciliation that Jesus has entrusted us with. And surely the husband who would have the most right to have a discussion about the type of bride he should choose, would be Jesus.

    And yet, he chooses the foolish things of this world. He has no list, no blog, no expectations. He only has one point on his list, believe on me and you will be my righteousness.

    If Jesus doesn't have a list, I don't know why we think we should.

    This sort of discussion is the very reason that countless young girls work very hard to be the perfect apo or elder's wife and self-righteousness get birthed. Or others feel they will never match up and always feel that greatness is beyond them, because they know they're not "perfect" and so apathy and mediocrity gets birthed.

    The only zeal in my heart is against the religious system that keeps people in bondage, not against anyone personally.

    Big love,
    Derik Oberholzer

  5. As a youngster, it was a 'position' I feared.

    In my mind, the Pastor's wife must be one with big hair, lots of makeup, always happy, play the piano, teach Sunday school, organize pot-lucks, and always wear a skirt suit with nylons and on the suit jacket.... a rather large flowered broach!

    It's amazing how our perceptions are altered because of our experiences.

    I'm glad I don't have to live up to any list but to love God and love and support my spouse and my family which includes all of God's children. Just like everyone else! :-)

  6. After all these years, we have found that a "one size fits all" model is a soul destroyer! Every woman is fearfully and wonderfully made. Each creation is unigue and every woman a gift to humanity. To some their role is very public and formal. To some, their role is behind the scenes in the home as a lover, server and weighty perspectives. Please ladies do not be sold a role they may not be designed by your Father for you. I have a wife whom I have shared 26 years of pastoral ministry. I have a daughter who has married her man who has been in ministry for 5 years. They are so different but so in love with Jesus... I would love to hear more...

  7. I've spent a lot of time with many Pastor's wives who aren't so happy with their hubby's calling. I've blogged a few times about the subject...